So, I have something on my heart that I have wanted to share for a LOOONG time!!
If you saw my post on Facebook last week, it talked about FEAR and how I have personally let fear influence many of my decisions. It is something I am working on! Because often times it is a perceived fear, not reality!
Last summer at church there was a message about sharing who we REALLY are with others, sharing our stories/struggles ….because as humans we connect through our WEAKNESSES – not perfection. And I thought that if my past struggles could HELP someone, then those struggles wouldn’t have been all for nothing.
MAYBE those struggles are something I had to go through so that I can help others. Who knows? But I do believe that everything happens for a reason.
What I’m going to share is something very personal and unless you have known me on a close level for a long time then you may not know this about me. And I have hesitated to share for fear of being judged or misunderstood.
BUT honestly when it comes down to it, if someone judges me or misunderstands me, well then this message is NOT meant for them! This message is meant for someone who may see themselves in MY story. MAYBE someone who needs to know that they aren’t alone and that there IS another way is reading this, and that is why I am sharing!
So here goes, I know that I talk a lot about working out and eating healthy – and if we have been Facebook friends for a while then you probably have seen some of those posts – BUT I have NEVER shared WHY I am so passionate about leading a healthy lifestyle, why I’m a Beachbody coach and why I truly LOVE helping others.
And the TRUTH is, I wasn’t always this way. In fact about 7 years ago my life looked COMPLETELY different!!
7 years ago THIS week my life changed FOREVER!!!! I found out I was pregnant!!!
7 years ago THIS week I also went into recovery from an eating disorder I had struggled with since I was 12.
It started when I was 12, going on 13 and for a while it was “manageable.” When I was 14, freshman year of high school, things got out of control-
That’s when my family found out.
That’s when I was diagnosed with anorexia/bulimia.
That’s when therapy started.
That’s when I remember being forced to drink the smallest amount of a protein drink (that at the time seemed like the worst imaginable thing anyone could ask me to do!).
That is when the threats of tube feeds came if I refused to drink it.
That’s when trips to the hospital for therapy became “routine” – at least for a little while.
It was SO hard knowing that my family was hurting because of MY behavior. I remember driving home from the hospital one day in complete silence, and my heart broke because I could see the hurt in my mom, and I just hated it, but I just couldn’t STOP.
So I got really good at HIDING it! Acting like everything was okay – and I would hide it ….for a while.
Until I couldn’t anymore.
Eventually, I would get “caught” - I’ll never forget the time when my brother caught me, (and if you’re reading this, I’m sorry!) I had no idea what to say or do…I was so embarrassed and felt awful.
I felt trapped. I felt out of control. I hated the way that I was and I remember always telling myself “This is the last time, never again” – until the next time came and I couldn’t control myself and then that became the “last time”…. And this cycle went on and on for years –
I won’t go into too many details right now (or this post would double in length!) BUT I will say that from ages 12-23 I lived inside my own little version of hell!
So what changed?
Liliana Hope Palmer.
Liliana save me from myself in more ways than she will ever know!
The moment I found out I was pregnant, I instantly loved that little baby more than I loved myself and I knew I had to take care of myself because my baby needed me to.
I’m not going to say it was easy, the fear of gaining weight terrified me, I was very careful of what I ate and thank God my only cravings were fresh fruit and popsicles!!!
And just because I fought the urges didn’t mean they weren’t there. It was something I dealt with EVERY day.
I just took it ONE day at a time!! I told myself I had to get through the pregnancy – and then after the pregnancy I told myself “Okay, you’ve come this far, there’s NO going back!”
And having a little girl, my biggest fear was that she would grow up hating herself if that’s all she saw me doing! So it just wasn’t an option!!
Looking back, I have to say I’m proud of myself – because it would have been so easy to slip back into my old ways. My husband left for a deployment when our daughter was a newborn – he was gone her whole first year and I was all alone, states away from anyone I knew! It would have been “easy” to get away with, but I knew that she and I deserved better!
But I also knew I had to find a healthy alternative, a way to take care of my body, a way for me to get my body back after pregnancy. I was determined to prove to MYSELF that I could get my body back in a HEALTHY way. But I wasn’t going to take my newborn to a gym and leave her with strangers while I worked out, so I had to find something I could do at home.
And that is when I found Beachbody, although at the time I had no clue what that meant! A friend had recommended Insanity to me and I thought what the heck! And it was exactly what I needed!
Doing Insanity was HARD, I started over 3 times before ever completing it – but it was SO rewarding! It gave be something to work towards, something to occupy my time with- and to top it off, I had abs before Lili’s first birthday!
And from there I just continued to learn about nutrition and fitness. I am not a fitness expert or a nutritionist, I’m just someone who LOVES leading a healthy lifestyle and I LOVE sharing what has worked for me (and what hasn’t) with other people and helping them on their fitness journey, hopefully making their journey a little less bumpy. It has just become a passion of mine!
And I can honestly say I am in the best shape of my life and don’t just mean physically – because honestly, I have been skinnier/leaner than I am right now, I have also been heavier – BUT I have NEVER been HEALTHIER! Both physically and mentally!
It has taken me a LONG time to get here and I still have work to do – but that’s what life is all about – continually making progress. Becoming the best versions of OURSELVES possible!
So that is MY story - If this resonated with you at all, I would love for you to reach out to me! I would love for you to know that whatever you’re going through – you are NOT alone!
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